Angel
by Kyrleia
Summary: A oneshot songficcie. Usagi finally lays down the law with Hiiro. And he has to choose what's more important to him. fluff


I know that I should be working on my other stories, but for some reason, this is all that I have the inspiration to work on. This is kind of fluffy, just so you know. It's about Hiiro and Usagi, a definite one-shot. Disclaimer: I don't own either GW or SM. If I did, a LOT of things would be different. ~*~~*~~*~ ~*~~*~~*~ ~*~~*~~*~ ~Spend all your time waiting  
  
for that second chance  
  
for a break that would make it okay~ She breathed deeply through her nose, taking in the scent of the man that lay asleep next to her. He smelled like sweat and cinnamon and vanilla. She could also smell her perfume lingering on his skin and feel the heat radiating from his body as she snuggled closer to him.  
  
Opening her eyes, she sighed and studied his face. At least he looked relaxed in his sleep, a far cry from his usual seriousness, haunted by his memories and plagued by his insecurities and his unwillingness to forgive himself for all that he did. She worried that in his search for a chance to redeem himself he would do something rash and end up hurt. And in doing that, hurt her. ~There's always some reason  
  
to feel not good enough  
  
and it's hard at the end of the day~ But then, she could understand his point of view. It had to be hard, having had to commit such horrible deeds. His soul was tortured by his hatred for himself and his disbelief that somebody so supposedly "pure" as her would ever even look at him. But she loved him, that was all there was to it. If only she could work up the courage to tell him that.  
  
~I need some distraction  
  
oh beautiful release  
  
memory seeps from my veins  
  
let me be empty, oh  
  
and weightless and maybe  
  
I'll find some peace tonight~  
  
He knew that she was awake; he could feel her breathing and for a moment felt such a welling of joy that she was still there, pressed close to him in his arms. He couldn't believe that someone like her was wasting her time on a lowlife like him. But the joy passed, and he was left with doubts and regret. He was corrupting her, he knew, but for some reason, she refused to stay away, and he saw in her eyes the pain when he pulled away from her. All he wanted was to protect her and forget everything but her. But he couldn't just let go. Everything that he had done wouldn't let him. He had to repent, and he didn't deserve her, or to be alive. It was all bearing down on him, making him feel leaden and weary.  
  
~in the arms of an angel  
  
fly away from here  
  
from this dark cold hotel room  
  
and the endlessness that you fear  
  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
  
of your silent reverie  
  
you're in the arms of the angel  
  
may you find some comfort here~  
  
But when she held him, kissed him, and told him that it would all be alright, for a brief second he felt like it would. It was like she was pulling him out of the dark into the sunlight that she radiated with such delight. For a moment he could forget all his fears, and let her through the barriers that he had so resolutely built around himself. At times like this, with his angel's arms around him, and his around her, he felt comforted, almost. It was almost like she took away his pain for a moment, but like a numbing shot before stitches, it only lasted so long, and when it returned, it was worse then ever, with his guilt about his relief and his fears about corrupting her multiplying.  
  
~so tired of the straight line  
  
and everywhere you turn  
  
there's vultures and thieves at your back~  
  
He was just so tired; so weary of life and the pain and the loneliness. It was as if everywhere he turned, more pain, danger and darkness loomed. But the one place that was full of light, cheer, and beauty was only accessible through a road riddled with guilt, where thorns pricked wherever he stepped, anything that he touched cried with pain, and every sign told him that he would only bring the pain, danger and darkness to it. It seemed to reach out for him, though, and weep when he started to backtrack. It promised love and relief, and he was at the door, but too afraid to venture across the threshold.  
  
~and the storm keeps on twisting  
  
you keep on building the lie  
  
that you make up for all that you lack  
  
it don't make no difference  
  
escaping one last time  
  
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
  
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees~  
  
To everybody else, he seemed to be fine. He gave the impression that for all that he missed, he more than compensated for elsewhere. He wanted to believe that that was true, but he couldn't. Deep down, he knew that the more he kept running, the more people he hurt, but it was just too easy to keep going, to surround himself with the walls that were so familiar to him, rather than risk getting attached to anyone or anything. He knew that he wasn't really changing anything, but instead trying to hurt himself to make up for all the pain that he had caused. And he understood that it really made no difference, but at least he felt slightly better about himself.  
  
~in the arms of an angel  
  
fly away from here  
  
from this dark cold hotel room  
  
and the endlessness that you fear  
  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
  
of your silent reverie~  
  
He pulled away from her, disengaging her arms and standing up. She just looked at him, missing his warmth and knowing what he was going to say, so she spoke first.  
  
"Why?" He looked confused.  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why do you try to push me away? How come the only times that you ever seem to let go is when we're fucking?" He opened his mouth to speak, looking shocked at her language, but she cut him off. "Hiiro, you have to let it go! I love you, Goddamnit!" He stared at her, shell-shocked. "I know that you have regrets and did some bad things, but what's in the past is in the past. You did what you had to do. And for it, you saved millions of people. Maybe you had to kill some in the process, but you saved the colonies and earth. And you think that I'm so pure. I've killed, too, but I also had to! I had to protect my family and friends and all those innocent people from pure evil, or they all would have been killed! Hell, if I hadn't put aside my normal non-violent tendencies, the entire universe would be overrun by evil. And even though some innocents got hurt or killed in the process, in the end, the cosmos is the better for it. But the thing is, I learned to put it behind me. The ends justifies the means, I told myself, and I surrounded myself with friends and I *moved on!*"  
  
"Usa-chan." She could tell that he was slightly wounded at her barbed words, but she plowed on.  
  
"I know you feel guilty, but just look out of the God damn window for Chrissake! See all those little children down there? They'd be dead if you hadn't done what you had to do. Their world would be filled with dark and evil. Over time, I learned that sacrifices have to be made, sometimes. And as much as it pains me, if you can't realize that, I'll leave. I don't want to, and I'll hate myself for it, but I'm not going to stick around just so you can fuck me every once in a while." Tears glittered in her eyes, but she kept her chin high and refused to let them fall. She had given him her innocence, her love, and the cold hard truth. She wasn't going to let her feelings be toyed with anymore.  
  
He felt hurt, but a little relieved that she had chewed him out. It was like gaining a new perspective, and he realized how much he was hurting her by playing with her emotions. She was right. She'd give him love, and in return he'd bed her, then pull away. For almost a year, she had raised no objection, and had simply tried to be there for him. He could see that she was resolute in her decision. It was a rude awakening, and he recognized that he had taken her for granted, and that she was right in every way. His eyes softened, and he sat next to her. "I'' try. I'm so sorry, it's not easy, but I promise that I'll try to let it go." She finally let her tears well over, and cupped her face in his hands and wiped them away. "I don't want to lose you. And all this time I was trying to stay away from you to keep from hurting you, I never realized I was doing what I was trying not to." She gave a watery smile, and he gathered her into his arms. "I'm so sorry." She pulled away enough to kiss him.  
  
"I'll help you. But you've got to let your friends visit you. They love you, too, believe it or not, and they can help you, as well. Our loved ones are what makes the path to redemption smooth and successful. And you'll get a laugh out of their faces when they see you and what you've done for yourself here!" He chuckled a bit.  
  
"Alright. I promise. They can come visit me. And you know what?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I love you too."  
  
~you're in the arms of the angel  
  
may you find some comfort there  
  
you're in the arms of the angel  
  
may you find some comfort here~  
  
~*~~*~~*~ ~*~~*~~*~ ~*~~*~~*~ Well, I told you it was kinda fluffy!!! Reviews would be nice; they're what keeps an author fed, darlins! So review!!! (And read my other stories, if it's not too much trouble!) 


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